damno desiderium

i havent updated in so long that this feels really foreign.

but yesterday was wonderful! :D finally finally seeing buddy line after so long. :D heh feels really nice. hahaha although junli's birthday party was filled with so many older seniors that i didnt know >< felt abit out of place! but oh well. was better after a while i guess..

yay adrenaline! (: haha i hope we have some cool buddy line activity like playing frisbee/touch soon! (: 

why i'm updating today of all days when tmr's gp ct, i have no idea. but i suddenly needed some courage to go on.


COURAGE. by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
CARELESSLY over the plain away,
Where by the boldest man no path
Cut before thee thou canst discern,
Make for thyself a path!

Silence, loved one, my heart!
Cracking, let it not break!
Breaking, break not with thee!

it's tomorrow!

the day that marks the end of our term has finally finally arrived, despite numerous numerous rejections on our part. i really still cant believe investiture's going to be tomorrow or that final night's tmr. 

i really dont ever want to stop being part of the reigning batch, fighting so hard for everything, to infinity and beyond. (: 

batch song's been on the loop since yesterday and i really cant get it out of my head.

from council camp, yes we were just a list of names, to full fledged 28ths, to making the day, to not really knowing what to do, to all the going down we had to do, and WHEN WE GOT UP WE GREW STRONGER. :D and of course all our functions OTIERO OUR MAGIC FAIRYTALE LAND to TODAY'S THE DAY TO PLAY. and and finally we see people, not events. (: 

i really hope we'll stay together. and council room will still be populated by us and not by the 29ths.

twenty-eight.

today is a MUST NOTE DOWN DAY. because, for once, today had a semblance of a day.

Yes there were lessons as usual, but here's what makes a day different. (: 

1) COUNCIL PHOTOTAKING. haha yay 28ths phototaking bright and early in the morning! well this is probably one of our more successful shots, although probably only 2/3 of our whole council's there? but eitherway i guess it's wonderful to see this whole bunch of people (the regulars, sadly) for the last SEVEN days (if you count today). cant believe how fast everything's going, cant believe we're no longer going to be reigning batch making decisions and having a say in every school event, but most importantly, i cant believe it's nearing the end of this crazily magical journey of house directorate and orientation together with all the other functions.

2) BUDDY LUNCH WITH SHANZHI. hehe first buddy lunch of the year after council camp! ahh it feels really cool to talk to shanzhi before he gets caught up with his ccad work huh, CCAD HEAD. haha coolios i get a ccad head buddy, and quite scaryy at the same time. but ): no buddy for buddy blazer exchange. BUDDY WE MUST CAMWHORE AFTER THAT. oh this is so exciting. and sad. probably my last time putting on my blazer. >< AHHHHHHHHh i dont want investiture to come. gahh. anyway, HAHA and shanzhi gave me quite the scare at the PAC before his combined humans civics. (:

3) finding nick buddy to get gp papers! AND I SAW HIM IN HIS UNIFORM with his WJTONG nametag. hahaha too bad i didnt have my camera if not i would have taken a picture with him. okay i decided before buddy ord, im going to take at least 1 picture with him in his uniform. :D yay but that's not the most important part. it's while waiting for him that brings me to realise how life can be so interesting.

well so i was glazing out of kembangan mrt station. and i realised why old history texts always state that the river bank is the life of all civilisations. Along the nice (okay it's not really that nice) river bank (read: really deep drain), is what i call life. ice-cream vendors on that portable stall selling your traditional cup/waffle ice-cream. kids running around with their parents at the playground. small goups of people just chatting and walking along the length of that drain. or just  watching the elderly cycle/wheeling their big metal bicycles (those old looking ones) along, to travel from one place to another. LIFE SEEMED SURREAL AT THAT POINT. it was like glancing into the past, of how i imagine it to be, people earning a living and enjoying the pace of life. 

okay im not making sense. but that few minutes made me smile cos i think we've all been too busy to people-watch anymore and just smile at how life seems so normal.

and well, i guess, for the current student like me, this is what i call stop and smell the roses.

cheerios. (:

okay i guess i should do a reallyyy quick update seeing i haven done so for quite a while.

but i have NOTHING TO SAY.

i guess i should go back to trying to finish my giant pile of tutorials which doesnt seem to be diminishing at all and today is SUNDAY ALREADY! so goodbye world! :D


OKAY THIASHANZHI THIS UPDATE IS SPECIALLY FOR YOU OKAY.

gahh working on dossiers is making me miss council already. so much fun, successful wonderful experiences, yet so many many more regrets i wish i wish i wish didnt happen. and i never thought i would think of this. but my biggest biggest biggest regret for orientation was ________.  :D

friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have difficulty remembering how to fly. yay 28ths im so glad we happened! hahaha even though final night isnt here yet! :D 

and alrights, my past few days have been relatively interesting. i realise writing letters are so DIFFICULT! and the thing is, i know 18 out of the 22 people i have to write to and yet i couldnt find the words to say my thankyous and farewells to! loveslovesloves! and i hope they'll remember us.

and well lastly, talking to jourdan once again made me realise how out of sync i've been with alot of people! esp when someone's trying to get someone out of his life. eitherway, im glad God showed him the way and all the best! cos i believe that you can find the righttttt person (: anddd talking to you jourdan further confirmed the reason i dont want to get attached now! (:

and no. i seriously still think hope's the worst item in pandora's box. cos it's making me wish it never happened.

ABSOLUTELY NAUSEATING.

argh, there's no other words to describe this. i want it out of my life right NOW. cant the world just make me slightly wiser. 

and i suddenly think of mr ganesh and his continuous "grow up" to my class ever since sec1. and then in sec 4, on our graduating day, he still told us to grow up.

it seems like we're too slow, but to me, it's because we're out of sync. too fast to tango, trust me.

im wishing Cadence will appear soon. and Capriccio taking over afterwards.

for life is supposedly unrestrained isnt it?

ALRIGHTS REALLY SHORT UPDATE (hopefully) BEFORE I GO BACK TO SATs!

im so dead for sats okay. it's this coming sat and i guess finally managed to finish the first practice test which i took like 1 month to finish. and guess what. it's 1610. im going to be so dead. AHHHHHH SAVE ME. okay t2 macdonalds is going to see me alot these few days.

COUNCIL CAMP'S OVER. and with it goes our last function. ah it really seems just yesterday when we were the elects and ngiam/sianghuat/sabrina were our ccics. ><

OH. and my buddy's SHANZHI! hahahaha really unexpected, even though paul said he gave me a clue already. LOL his clue is so not helpful what can you gather from "your buddy is abit like mine" o.0 HAHAHAHA but yay i love my buddy!::D  NAT I WANT PICTURES. xD OH and we went for buddy line lunch absolute love i tell you i miss justina and buddy so much was sooo happy and high when i saw them once again on sunday! :D and we went to newyorknewyork HEHE. bahdees love! :D





ah. and with the passing of council camp goes my birthday too! and it's going to be one of the most memorable ones. (: to every single one who wished me, I LOVE YOU! :D

it's really amazing to have your birthday remembered i think. cos to everyone it's just another day, but they made the effort to remember your birthday. and so, im eternally grateful. YAY THANKS FRIENDS! :D 09s03e, kaile meiying eve for the nice tofu and apple! hahaha, O'erh the cakes and birthday song outside the LT risking being late for assembly BESTEST OG IN THE WORLD  WHEE! :D, the million wishes i got along the corridors/smses.., WARGAMERS WHO CAME ON SATURDAY AND CELEBRATED FOR ME HALFWAY THROUGH COUNCIL CAMP (yay thanks friends the cake was really pretty even though i didnt really eat it but it's heartfelt and the giraffe and phone sock is really hilarious WG FTW! :D) and house d too for the 2 nicest/sweetest cake! strawberry and a brownie cake! tiankai the cupcakes you specially bought and the heart thing that you guys made HAHAHAHA HOUSE D <3! 



yeah so my 18th birthday went ALOT better than i expected seeing that it was spent in camp but i cant express how happy i am to hear all those whispered happy birthdays during camp cos we werent supposed to make noise and hoho's target to say 18 happy birthdays, and sharon's very nice happy birthday balloon hahaha and buddy's happy birthdays whenever he had a break, even when he was so tired, hungry and dirty. (:

yay guys thanks so much for everything. ah and i cant wait for a levels to end! just for this only. the rest, i want status quo.

it was 1 year ago when i first stepped into LT2, anxious to know about buddies, and who my buddy will be.. as well as excited and apprehensive about the upcoming council camp.

and now, it's 1 year later. and once again, i'll step into LT2 in a few hours, to find out who my buddy is. but this time, it's no longer me being mentored, it's my turn to mentor someone.

and significantly, it's also my last day being 17 ever. never again will i be 17 again. coming 18, i hope i've matured enough in the last year to be a good buddy to whoever that guy will be. am i prepared? am i ready? i really dont know the answer, it suddenly feels like a great responsibility to be somebody's buddy, and i hope i'll be a good one. >< 

thank you 17. i really love you. it's been the best year ever, with joys and tears. with stepping into a new school, a new environment, deciding to run for council, to quit touch, to stay on in gb, to join house d, to be in ocomm, to take up wargames, making new friends in class and around school, knowing meiying kaile eve, to my fears, to my gratitude to everyone that has helped me when i needed help, or just being there to be my listening ear, or given me words of encourgement, or learning welfare and publicity right from scratch, being in control yet so not in control, regretting decisions made, or overlooking things just because im too tired or too busy to fit them in, or spending long crazy hours in school just to get things done to the point that i think the school doesnt want to see me more than i want to see it, or JUST BY SEEING FRIENDS ALONG THE CORRIDOR. thank you 17, for bringing such wonderful memories. sometimes i wish i could replay you all over again, to go back and make changes when i think sbout the regrets. but i know i wont do so cos that's what made my 17, 17. and because of that, i've grown so much more and hopefully, became just abit better. to society. to my family. to my friends. and to myself.


i'll miss you 17! :D and i hope being 18 would be nice. and i'll be wise to my buddy. (: (: 

THIS IS SERIOUSLY NOT WORKING.

NOT WORKINGGGGG. lol reminded me of onglai for a moment.

BUT IT"S SERIOUSLY NOT WORKING.

econs ended today. and now im supposed to be studying for chem.

omg chem. RAWR. i spent the WHOLE AFTERNOON sleeping. okay fine given i managed to read through energetics I and then abit of arenes alkanes. 

AND IT'S TOTALLY NOT HELPING WHEN CHEM IS LIKE ONE OF THE HARDEST PAPER (to me). AHHHHHHHH im going mad seriously. why cant they make me a chem genius and save me all the troubles from equilibria and WHAT NOT.

>< 

YEAH. THE ORIENTATION POST IS LONG OVERDUE. xD but i'll just keep it short. (: 

ONG LAI BROTHERS AND SISTERS! woots. omg we WON talentime in the end! HAHAHAHAHA. still remembr during 1 council gm last year kong announced that a HOKKIEN BAND IS JOINING TALENTIME. and of course some other vision mission goals. :) yay guys im so glad we got tgther and do stupd crazy out of the mind things tgther. and like our mos dinner sharing. when's our next one! it'll probably be one of the things i remember most from my time in rj 10 years down. thanks guys. our chalet, 6am rehearsal (one and only one time before the actual thing. HAHA), lion dance with bollywood music, the moon, the sun, the jupiter, and of course not forgetting THINKER LEADER PIONEER. think we managed to teach some guys how to get their girls? hahahaha (: (:   KONG.SIACY.SEAHJUNHAO.LEONARD.DILLON.TAMMY.CHERIE.SHARON.CHLOE.ME! :D

O'ERH! you guys may not be the most enthusiastic og, or the one that has the best navigation skills around singapore, or being bonded immediately to win station games on the first day,  or have the best costume on o'night, or win soccer on take5. you guys even had to suffer the MOST SERIOUS INJURY for orientation during wargames with that slash across the face which totally made me come running all the way from windy benches to the ISH in fear, only to find out that person was MY OGLING OF ALL PEOPLE. but seriously, O'ERH. you guys are the BEST. no one wins bw02 in my heart. (: i mean who else will still go on for external activity carrying umbrellas when other ogs are taking shelter? (: i hope you guys dont break up (GO SHIMIN I SUPPORT YOu) and we'll get closer! <3! 







CO-OGLS! ahhhhhhh co-ogls doubt you guys will ever get to read this but no matter. i still want to say that you two are muchmuchmuch love to ogl with and thanks so much for making my ogl-experience the way it has been! it's always so funny to look for the 2 of you. the 2 tall tall soccer guys with almost the same height (1cm!) or close to same built! i've nvr told you guys this, but it's also real funny seeing you two speak to one another, i think only you 2 can understand what you two are talking about. but thanks guys, you two are the ultimate champions, staying up to do og presents and all that. WHEE! :D haha i miss those 2 days where we made our super coolios og flag and all the fun moments that came with it. hsiuhsien you just always get suaned so no difference, jerome you bursting out singing random songs, you make long hours more bearable and fun! and it's so fun calling up the og tgther HAHA "CO-OGL" i still cant believe i said that. :D from oprep, to orientation, presents, covering for one another or trying to bond the og.. <3 you guys (: jerome i still remember the 3 million times you called to check on our progress during EA, or always coming down to help wargames (HONORARY MEMBER! :D), or even the NICEST COFFEE IN THE WORLD YOU MADE ON WARGAMES DAY, thank you very very much! hahaha hsiuhsien im so sorry but you always end up getting bullied by me, but thanks alot alot for being there to handle the og with me i think i would have died if you & jerome just left the og with me they will just think im crazy so THANK YOU! :D and for random stuff like who wil die tonight or did you see blahblahblah doing whatwhatwhat to whowhowho. HEHE . <3!

ahh hiyah i dont know how to express my deepest thankyous to you two, but from deciding to ogl tgther, to our og name, to og number, to our still non-existent dinner/outing, to og flag, to icebreakers, to EA, to wargames, to take5, to o'night, to ogpresents at aloha, OR EVEN THE DUCKS, THE PHOTOS, THE COFFEE... LOVE TO RJCLEFTANDRIGHTWINGER! :D :D  i actually know something about soccer. hahaha xD

WARGAMES! <3 and of all my thankyous.. the most most important ones are to my wonderful SUBCOMM. SUBCOMM WE'RE UNBEATABLE. from our 22 strong down to our 13 strong. from our 2/3 hours meetings to 12 hours workdays. from strangers to friends (to the point you guys decide to start scandals. 0.0) hahahaha. and our all time favourite SINTATPOLYETHYLENE. or masking tape. or ducttape. or cardboard. or NEWSPAPER BALLS. or simply, the stacks of newspapers we went through. think pingpong? think council room. think raffia, think ropes. think UPRISING. think INVASION. hiyah guys i somehow dont know how to say this to you guys. i guess i nvr really planned to say goodbyes or thank you to you guys. 6 months is just too long a time. staying in school till 2am, or still preparing for uprising when dry run has already started (hahaha actually even during slot 3 of actual wargmes we were still preparing). subcom i reallly think we're the bomb. no one else works so hard like us. or perhaps. we're the only subcomm that has a shirt design but hasnt sent it in for printing (IM SO SORY ><) HAHA. a we seriously bring he crap out of one another, i've nvr had meetings/workday that fun and so full of rubbish or laughed sooo much. you guys are forever so full of life that it's impossible to feel tired about wargames, and even if there were times when we were down and out (like improving the games), all of you just bounce back like some ultimate spring whenever it is to bully me about my blurness or clumsiness.. -.- ahh although i get bullied, it's still very heartwarming to see all of you laugh TOGETHER AS A SUBCOMM.

absolute love friends. <3 wargames is seriously for screwed up people like us who can crush 6000 newspaper balls and paint 600 tokens or dye 6000 chopsticks & pegs or cut 2000 pieces of raffia or roll 500 newspaper sticks or PAINT A PENTAGON IN THE 2ND FIELD or build imba structures or measure towers on the field. (: 

kay subcomm. it's short for a 6-months journey. but i guess somethings are best said face to face. (:



and of course of course thanks alot alot to STAYGAY, ESTATE, PE DEPT and CHAPTER! ah but these thankyous are not to be said here. (: 

COLD HANDS. COLD FEET. and SWEATY PALMS.

no good no good. NOT GOOD AT ALL whenever i get sweaty palms . 

AHHH. im seriously nervous like nuts and this is NOT GOOD.

it is officially SIX DAYS TO ORIENTATION. and preparation for briefing slides is making my heart race to the ends of the world.

not good. AHHHHHHHH.

dear God i hope all goes well. >< i really cant screw up wed's briefing it's like the most impt thing right now ahhhhh >< and i hate presentations cos i just get so panicky. how did i survive OP > <

cheers theodora. (: 



sharon.hsiuhsien.gladys.samuelkoh.kevinquah.qiwen.yingching.jazi.elson.qianwei.
nickyun.ziyao.cherylang.beihan. (: 

IM BACK! YAY! :D 

hahahaha GOODBYE PHNOM PENH, KINGDOM OF CAMBODIA, and WELCOME BACK HOME! :D 

yes im finally finally finally back from my residential trip in cambodia! :D and i must say im super glad im back cos it's so dusty there and full of smoke that im having rashes all over and slightly burnt.  ): and the hotel we were staying in is relatively lousy considering they didnt change the breakfast menu for over 2 years and counting (and it's a really limited variety) and the facilities are just plain >.<. can smell smoke when you're sleeping.

okay but that aside.

im really really glad i went for the trip even though it wasnt the most comfortable one. yet, i expected much worse initially. above all, im happy this time was set aside to really get to know God once again and do His will through our hands, doing whatever we can to bless the kids. the past months have been too fast, way too fast and i've been too caught up with my affairs that God was placed aside, indefinitely. and for that, i realise how much i've changed (and jourdan said he could tell just by talking to me!) >.< eitherway, im blessed.





and what caused me to realise that? i never once thought it would be at a church service in WIDOW'S ISLAND, PHNOM PENH, CAMBODIA, by a poor cambodian, age 28, that will teach me that. By just using a piece of crayon and a simple gradening glove, he made me embarrassed of my walk with God (or inexistence of it) for the past months. It's heartwarming to know that for a place like this, a church service can still go on and there are actually people attending, although for what motive exactly, i dont want to know. 

the kids there are really adorable, although they may not be as innocent and pure as we think. i'll talk about that later! pictures first!



haha the 2 cute boys at widow's island!


my favourite little girl! :D she's sooo cute! :D :D at the slum! 


kids at the slum. awww. (:


with them! :D 


kids at the dumpsite! 

hahaha and the funniest thing is probably the tu-tu incident (ONE CHANCE! :D) as well as our room toilet jamming up TWICE. quite funny.

well, the message that we wanted to bring across to the kids during our programme was INFLUENCE. and through it, i learnt alot myself too!

our choices we make are determined by our surrounding spheres of influence. Influence therefore is paramount in shaping our character and nurtures us into who we will be in the future. of course, there is always negative and positive influences when actions, and without intention, can cause over-reliance and a mentality of ''yes, we are SUPPOSED to have all these".

and this was exactly how i felt about the people there. they make me feel that they are two-faced, desperate and too unappreciative. the not-so-discreet glares, the soft mumbles, just makes me feel sad. ): 

i mean, yes, circumstances are different for them. as much as choice seems to be like a birthright, they may feel they are deprived of this and turn desperate. or sometimes, even bitter. so much so that they become unappreciative of the small things in life, that they forget about who they are as a human.

and therefore, influence is all the more important. its grip on us never struck me so much until this trip and im really glad God made me realise it. in school, at home, our daily lives, how we act are all based on influence around us. and thus, are we (or any other NGOs that go in to help people) doing it the right way, or can our methods be improved further? in a way so that we can teach them that working hard to help yourself is the most important thing, rather than be trapped feeling unjust all day. no good for spiritual health too! :D :D 





im glad for the pastor's sharing during the service as well as all the devotion sessions over the past few days. that not only do we have to believe, we have to believe actively. have FAITH in all that we are doing. and to fight spiritual warfare. and also to control out calendar, not let the calendar control you. frankly the past months have been such a whirlpool for me that i must admit sometimes my calendar was controlling me.

it's true it's going to be even more tiring from this day onwards, but we just got to have faith and constantly remember our purpose, our inevitable INFLUENCE in our actions, and ultimately, the CHOICES we make.

above all, remember to always help yourself first before seeking help. remember the principle of the lid, remember choices and actions are influential. but most importantly, remember to be truly grateful and appreciative of the things in our lives, no matter how big or small. because life really really really really is beautiful (i truly truly truly think so!!) and that there is always a purpose, a lesson to be learnt, an experience to take away, in everything that comes across our path. (: 

MUMMY IT'S OVER! :D 

YAY! oral presentation, insights and reflections are FINALLY DONE. no more no more.. although i miss op quite a bit.

i realised our group is quite fun after all! not like what the others say! haha i'll miss yilong's funny tricks to entertain us, calvin's random funny comments that will kickstart our "gossips", joanne's random craziness, jenn's SORETHROAT and our random talk nonsense sessions or breaking out into laughter halfway, our (or actually i think it's only me) perfectionist nature and numerous practices! :D

ahhh i want pictures! then can post it up! :D 

but i think we did well overall! admist stumbles for everyone, nervousness and all that.. but ignore our individual speeches or q&a, i think our group transitions went pretty well! :D haha i especially thought the transition for calvin, joanne and yilong was perfect. looks like their practices did pay off eh? :D

<33 TEAM! :D YAY!

):

sigh.

most likely my last post this week! (: 

well, today is the last official school day, so i guess CHEERS :D

but anw, suddenly just found a quote for my week. and i thought it was a good sentence that sums up what i want to achieve for my coming functions and events. (: so let me share it!

"If your action inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader. " - John Quincy Adams.

really hope i can help others (those that i interact with) to become more..

teach me how? im going to try my best. (: 

together with catching up on my academics. (: 


 

AHHH.

I REALLY HOPE I MAKE IT THROUGH 2ND CUT. ): 

sigh.

really really hope i can have the rest of the months to know my sub-comm members more.

but if i dont make it, i'll really really miss all 22 of them dearly. co i/c, secretary, logs, treasury, programmes, my very very supportive sharon and all the other 17 fantabulous members who never fail to make my day every single meeting, THANK YOU. <3

hahaha. went to look for the sub-comm allocations slips and read through them. some made me smile and laugh, some made me hope that they are happy in games and hope that my choice was right, and some made realise something about them and wish that i had more time to know them.

oh well, but we should all remain optimistic! 

ah, op. (: 

Give me your trust, says Aes Sedai
For upon my shoulders i support the sky
Trust me to know to do what's best
And i will take care of the rest

But trust is the colour of a dark seed growing.
Trust is the colour of a heart blood flowing
Trust is the colour of a soul's last breath
Trust is the colour of death

Give me your trust, says the queen on her throne
For i bear the burden of ruling alone
Trust me to lead and to judge and to rule 
and no man will think you a fool

But trust is the sound of a grave dog's bark
Trust is the sound of betrayal in the dark
Trust is the sound of a soul's last breath
Trust is the sound of death

song in "Lord of Chaos" by Robert Jordan.

jiayou. jiayou. jiayou.

im praying fervently for strength to carry me through this hectic period. and as i shared with my oteam comm, please please not let me be swept along but still remain in control.

it's really tiring racing against time. but gotta take heart and GO ON! :D 

just a short quote on bravery that happens to be my quote of the week.
"A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer."

yea, so let us all be braver for just a minute longer, and a minute longer, and im sure we'll reach our destination in the end. Just hanging on a while longer, there's really no saying how much more we can achieve, how much more we can influence others.

especially relevant for my week ahead, esp with so many new initiatives and so much more grounds to cover, and hopefully to make an impact with our 2nd half of council term. it's becoming especially crucial to work harder, make a difference (as grace said just now) and forge lasting memories, both for ourselves and for our friends.

and this road leading up to orientation, to house d stuff and all that is going to be an upwards slope. but im really quite excited to see how everything plays out, and im sure it'll all be worth it in the end. :D

although weili told me that she heard that there's a rumor going around saying that orientation next year is going to be bad. oh wells. we'll knock them off their feets next year then! :D i can already imagine how much it's going to rawk. well unless their sense of what's fun is very different from ours. o.0

okay enough of emo-ing. on a side-note, op dry run is over! :D we did relatively well i guess, as well as it can get with just a few days of preparation. no matter, we're going to do much better on the day! :D and befrienders meeting tmr! :D cant wait! (: (: let's go 28ths! 

ah. back to induction. which is really tough. ):

i realise, we're always blind to the other side of an issue. when you're so preoccupied with something or obsessed with it, to you, whatever other opportunities available just dont seem as good or as viable, even when it's so obvious to the whole world that your other option(s) would have saved you and is the most benefical to you. safety, freedom, riches, challenges... everything, it's the best.

but i guess, when you're preoccupied, any other(s) wont do. and who are we to judge what's best for you? what determines what's best differs for all of us and i guess.. we'll all have to trust. (: 

and somehow, maybe, i really think time fades all our decisions and choices, into nothing. it'll all turn out to be a struggle to hold on to it, to anything, to give us hope that it's still there. (:                             


ah last thing to note, great great grand buddy flew off on sat, 27th sept. ): 2 lesser buddies in the buddy line now. ):